A marital counseling case study on in-law conflict in Indian families; how EFT and Bowen therapy helped a couple find clarity and belonging.
Rachmanas Counseling
Arjun (name changed), 38, works in mid-level corporate management. His wife Priya (name changed), 34, is a homemaker who recently began exploring part-time work. They began marital counseling after nearly two years of recurring conflict that neither felt equipped to resolve on their own.
On the surface, the arguments were about household routines, parenting choices, and daily decisions. But both described something deeper: a third presence in every conversation.
Arjun’s mother, Savitri (name changed), in her late sixties and a former general manager at an automobile showroom in Delhi, shared the household. She had spent decades as the family’s primary decision-maker. That role did not step back quietly after Arjun married.
Priya said she felt “secondary in my own home.” Arjun said he felt “like I am always choosing between two people who both love me.” Savitri did not attend the first session. But her presence was felt in every sentence.
Research on multigenerational family structure consistently identifies boundary ambiguity as a significant source of relational distress. In India, where joint and semi-joint households remain culturally common, these dynamics carry added weight and social expectation.
The marital counseling process began with both Arjun and Priya completing a Personal Information Questionnaire (PIQ) independently. The counselor then conducted individual intake interviews with each of them. A conjoint session followed, where the couple’s communication patterns were observed in real time.
Couple interaction mapping revealed a repeating cycle. Priya would raise a concern. Arjun would defend or deflect. Silence would follow. Days later, the cycle would begin again. Triangulation was visible throughout: most communication between Priya and Savitri traveled through Arjun rather than happening directly.
In session three, Savitri agreed to join one session for a reflective life-history conversation. She spoke about her career, the pride she carried from managing both a professional role and a household for decades, and then, more quietly: she did not know what her role was anymore.
The counselor understood this family through Murray Bowen’s Family Systems Theory (Bowen, 1978). Bowen described how unresolved anxiety in a two-person relationship often draws in a third person to absorb the tension; a process he called triangulation. Arjun had not failed to grow up. He was caught inside a system that was not yet ready to let him differentiate. Lambert (2013) observes that individual distress most often makes sense only when seen through the relational system surrounding it.
Marital counseling across 10 online sessions used three frameworks: Bowen Family Systems Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy. Each was applied in sequence as the sessions progressed.
Bowen Family Systems Therapy
Bowen (1978) identified “differentiation of self” as a person’s ability to remain emotionally close to family while also functioning as a psychologically separate individual. Arjun was low on this dimension. He had learned early that keeping peace meant absorbing conflict rather than naming it. His father had played the same role before him.
The counselor used genogram work, a drawn map of family relationships across two to three generations, to make this visible. Arjun looked at the map and said, “He did the same thing.” Recognizing an inherited pattern is different from choosing it. That distinction became the foundation of his work.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Developed by Susan Johnson (2004), EFT holds that most relationship conflict is not really about the surface issue. It is about attachment fear: fear of not being chosen, fear of losing connection, fear of becoming irrelevant.
With Priya, the counselor asked: “When Arjun sides with his mother on a decision, what happens inside you?” Priya said, “Like I don’t matter.” That single sentence changed the session’s tone. When Arjun heard it framed without accusation, something shifted in him.
With Arjun, the counselor asked: “When Priya raises a concern about your mother, what do you feel in that moment?” He said, “Like a bad son, the second I agree with her.” The guilt he carried was older than the marriage. It had nothing to do with Priya. But it was falling on her every time.
Johnson (2004) found that couples who learn to access and share the vulnerable emotions beneath their conflict show meaningfully stronger long-term outcomes than those who work only on changing behaviors.
Narrative Therapy
White and Epston (1990) built narrative therapy on one central idea: the problem is not the person. The problem is the problem. Each person in this family was living inside a story that had been handed to them without their awareness.
Savitri’s story was: “I am only valuable when I am needed.” The counselor explored this gently. When asked what she would want her grandchildren to remember about her one day, her answer had nothing to do with household decisions. She described warmth, stories, and laughter. That became a new reference point.
Arjun’s story was: “Choosing my wife means betraying my mother.” The counselor offered him a different sentence: “What if loving both of them required clarity, not distance?” That reframe took several sessions to land. When it did, Arjun began to see that protecting the marriage was not an act of abandonment.
By session six, Arjun had initiated two direct conversations with Savitri without Priya in the room. He reported they were uncomfortable and honest. Savitri listened more than he expected.
By session eight, Priya had stopped withdrawing during disagreements. She began naming what she felt before the silence could settle in. Arjun started acknowledging her first before shifting into explanation; a small change with a large effect.
A second conjoint session in week ten showed measurable shifts in communication patterns. The triangulation cycle had reduced significantly. Household decisions were being made between Arjun and Priya, with Savitri informed rather than consulted first.
Savitri did not change entirely; she still shared opinions more than the couple preferred. But the passive-aggressive withdrawal and indirect signaling had lessened. She had joined a stitching group in her neighborhood; something she had not done in years.
Wampold and Imel (2015) note that the relational safety of the counseling space matters as much as any specific technique. All three members of this family experienced that safety, and it made honesty possible. Marital counseling did not resolve every tension. It gave each person a clearer view of the system they were living in, and a way to act differently within it.
All names and identifying details have been changed to protect confidentiality. Each participant gave informed consent before sessions began, including consent for this anonymized write-up. The counselor worked carefully to maintain neutrality across all three family members. In a three-person emotional system, taking sides, even subtly, undermines the entire process.
This case was conducted in full alignment with the APA Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct (American Psychological Association, 2017).
This case is not unusual. Across India, thousands of couples navigate the same invisible tension: how to build a marriage inside a family that has not yet made room for it.
What made this situation painful was not the bad intention. Savitri wanted to stay close to her son. Arjun wanted everyone to be okay. Priya wanted to feel like she belonged. Three people, all reaching toward connection, all accidentally pushing each other away.
Marital counseling gave them a shared language for something they had only ever argued about. That language was not to blame. It was understanding.
When people stop defending and start explaining, families change. It is rarely fast. It is rarely complete. But it is always possible. And it is never too late to try.
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